Search
by CharleyPaige
Summary: What if it wasn't just the Reverend Mother who convinced Maria to return to the Von Trapp household? Maria receives some guidance from who she needed it from the most.. Who she's needed her whole life. Complete 23/5/2014
1. Search: Chapter One

_Hey everyone! So, right now I should be writing my english essay, but this came into my head and didn't go away, so I had to write and post it hehe. This will be my first potential multi-chapter story depending on the feedback I may or may not receive. If you have read my one-shot, 'Moondance', you'll notice I've made reference to it in this story, so it's a sort of prequel I guess. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it and very much look forward to knowing what you think of it! So here goes..._

_Disclaimer: I absolutely do not own 'The Sound of Music' or any of the characters (I wish I did!) I'm just playing around with them a bit!:)_

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><p><em>"Love is as much of an object as an obsession, everybody wants it, everybody seeks it, but few ever achieve it, those who do will cherish it, be lost in it, and among all, never... never forget it." - Curtis Judalet<em>

**Search**

Chapter One

_ The moon shone in the night sky illuminating the beautiful marble floor where she and the Captain were dancing the Ländler almost effortlessly. As the end of the dance approached them, she could feel his gaze on her, as if he was looking straight into her soul. She was left breathless, unable to carry on. They both stopped slowly and stared longingly into each others eyes, forgetting the world around them, there were no children, no baroness.. Just them. The Captain carefully took her chin in his hand and drew her face closer to his. Maria slowly closed her eyes, preparing for the feeling of his kiss when suddenly she felt his touch disappear, she quickly opened her eyes and noticed the Captain and the children who were once surrounding them had vanished. She then found she was no longer at the luxurious villa, but in the middle of nowhere all alone. She was cold, the weather was bitter and thick with fog, the heavy rain was pelting down on her, as if it was trying to push her to the ground. She looked around desperately trying to figure out where she was. As she started to swiftly walk forward, she heard the voice of the Baroness filling the air "There's nothing more irresistible to a man than a woman that's in love with him... He should get over it soon enough, I think. Men do, you know... Goodbye, Maria. I'm sure you'll make a very fine nun."_

Maria woke with a start and sat up abruptly to observe her surroundings. Yes, just as she thought: she was back in her little room at the Abbey. Maria rubbed her eyes to fully come out of her dream-like state, annoyed that this had been the third night in a row she'd had this nightmare. It had been a week since Maria had been in seclusion now, not saying a word to anyone, except in prayer, figuring it'd be what she needed to know where her life was going. Only a couple of months ago she was more than convinced that her life was to be devoted to God and pledge her life to his service, but now, after all those strange, wonderful, painful, magical feelings had been awakened within her even just by taking one glance in the Captain's direction, she knew deep down that God wasn't the only one she wanted to give her life to. Her world had been rattled and she now saw it a whole lot differently, somewhere along the line, without her even knowing it, her life had decided to take another route. Maria slipped into a reverie, trying to battle with herself, just like she had been ever since the Baroness had spoke to her during the party: _I can't deny these feelings I have.. But it was the will of God that I become a nun, was it not? Didn't I once say to the Reverend Mother that when you find out the will of God, you do it wholeheartedly?_ She mentally shook herself. Dwelling on what might have been, what could have been was just no good! The Captain was in love with the Baroness, someone Maria could never see herself measuring up to, after all, she was only the governess. No, this was the life she wanted before, the life she had longed for since she was a child.. This was her calling. A gentle yet startling knock on the door make her jump a little, breaking her out of her thoughts. The soft voice of Sister Margaretta from the other side comforted her. "Maria, I know you wish to be left alone. However, the Reverend Mother wishes to speak to you about an urgent matter that has arisen."

Maria sighed, wishing that she could stay shut away, safe from everything and everyone from her tiny cell. However, not wanting to disrespect the Reverend Mother's wishes, she composed herself and followed the Sister to the Mother Superior's study.

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><p>Once they had arrived where the Mother Abbess was waiting, Maria waited outside whilst Sister Margaretta went inside waiting to be called in. Once inside, she rushed to elder woman's hand and kissed it, then moved to stand by the large desk in the room, waiting for the Reverend Mother to speak whilst trying to piece together an explanation of why she'd left.<p>

"You've been unhappy. I'm sorry. Sit down, Maria", said the Reverend Mother sympathetically.

"Reverend Mother."

"Although we need to talk about you returning from the Von Trapp household, there is something I also must speak with you about", Maria looked across at the older woman confused, prompting her to continue. "Maria, it is with the deepest sympathy that I inform you that your uncle passed away yesterday", she looked across at the younger woman awaiting an answer, but instead Maria continued to stare in front of her whilst she processed the information just given to her, then it hit her, and her eyes widened. A rush of emotions washed over her, but none of hurt or discomfort, mainly ease and relief. She now was truly free of her uncle, the one that caused her pain and grief, who stole away whatever he could of her free spirit and experiences that every child should encounter, replacing those experiences with fear, upset, neglect and abuse. There was no way she'd ever have to come into contact with him again. She felt elevated and genuinely felt good since returning to the Abbey. Maria heard the Reverend Mother speak again. "Your uncle's belongings were sent to us to give to you." She pulled up a sealed box and lay it on the table in front of Maria. "I suggest you return to your room, take a look through and when you're ready, come and talk to me? Once again, I am very sorry." Maria took the box from her, almost dreading the contents of what may be inside it, thanked the Mother Superior, and returned to her room.

Once back in her room, she opened the box, intending to have a quick rummage through and discard it. However, once she opened the first letter addressed to her, she quickly realised that these were not her uncles possessions. The items in the box belonged to her mother. She vaguely remembered her before she was diagnosed with a fatal case of scarlet fever, she had no memory of her father whatsoever as he had died before she was born. Intrigued by the letter, she lay on her bed with it in her hands, it read:

_ My darling daughter, Maria,_

_If you are reading this now, then it must be your eighteenth birthday! Words cannot describe how wonderful it felt when I first held you in my arms the day you decided to enter the world. You were beautiful! I have never been more proud of anything in my life, from that moment I told myself and made a promise to your father that I would do anything and everything in my power to protect, nurture and care for you. I'm so sorry that I'm not with you physically helping you grow into the beautiful woman I know you'll become and share the laughter and tears that the world throws at us, but I'll always be with you in spirit looking down on you. When I was told I was dying of my illness, I wrote this letter in the hope that you live your life as purposeful and fulfilled as possible. You see, after your father died, there was only one other man I ever loved, but I pushed him away denying myself the right to love someone else after losing someone so close, and I've never regretted anything as much. So, my only wish is that if you find someone you have so much love for that you find it hard to live without that person, don't let it go! Everyone was born to live their life and sometimes God gives us an insight at what we could have, but to achieve what we desire, we must search for it. Look for your life, Maria and enjoy it! You are in charge of your own destiny._

_So, until we meet again, have a happy life. Make me, your father and most importantly yourself proud!_

_All my love, sweetheart,_

_Your mother_

_P.S. Look in the package I left as a present to you for your birthday, what you'll find in there was your great-grandmothers, passed down to my mother, then me, and now it's yours. It signifies strength, hope, love and happiness. I hope that one day you pass it onto your daughter for me._

By now, Maria had silent tears streaming down her face, angry at her uncle for keeping this from her but at the same time overwhelmed at the truthful words her mother wrote. She looked down into the box to find the small package mentioned. Enclosed were pictures of herself, her mother and her father. Also, another envelope which contained a dainty necklace with a small, silver plated edelweiss charm hanging from it. She put it on, hiding it under her robe and stored the letter with the package in the drawer beside her bed, she'd have to look through the rest of the box later, but now, she had to speak to the Reverend Mother and seek her advice and wisdom to help her follow the life she was born to live.

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><p><em>Okay! That's where I'll stop it for now. I wasn't too sure how to convey my idea in this chapter, and I'm not entirely happy with it so I don't doubt that I'll be re-writing this in the near future. Anyway, please give feedback whether it be positive or negative, they're both greatly appreciated! This is the first story I'm considering making a multi-chapter story so I'm interested in what you all think of it:)<em>

_Charlotte :)_

_x_


	2. Search: Chapter Two

_First of all: many thanks to all for your kind reviews! It's greatly appreciated!:) Secondly: there will be a delay in posting chapters as I'm so busy with work and college I just don't have much time at the moment, but please bear with me haha. This chapter will follow the film somewhat. I hope you enjoy!_

_Disclaimer: I absolutely do not own 'The Sound of Music' or any of the characters (I wish I did!) I'm just playing around with them a bit!:)_

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><p>"At the core of life is a hard purposefulness, a determination to live." - Howard Thurman<p>

**Search**

Chapter Two

_I will miss this_, Maria thought. She was referring to the beautifully painted walls outside of the Reverend Mother's study. She stood in the middle of the hallway and slowly turned around on the spot to admire the walls she was surrounded by when it dawned on her: whether or not the Captain didn't reciprocate her love, she would never be a postulant again. Maria was still in two minds. She could still stay safe and live her life as a nun, fulfilling God's will. She turned at the sound of the door to the Reverend Mother's study opening to Sister Margeretta calling Maria in.

"You can go in now, Maria", she said as she walked by her, she placed her hand on Maria's arm, give her a warm smile and walked past. Suddenly, her stomach was in knots, her mind had gone blank and nerves were rapidly getting the better of her. However, the Reverend Mother was waiting, and there was no going back. So, clearing her throat and taking a deep breath, she walked inside.

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><p>"Mother?"<p>

"Come here, my child", Maria rushed over to the older woman and quickly kissing her and before sitting down. "I'm sorry about your loss, Maria! Is that what you would like to speak with me about?" The Reverend Mother knew that they had to discuss Maria's early return, but Maria's . After Maria's news, she knew that in due time Maria would feel comfortable enough to explain her reasons for leaving. So for now, she could wait.

"Yes.. Well sort of.. Not exactly." Maria hung her head, trying to figure out what to say. She knew exactly why she left, but how could she explain it? She tried her utmost hardest not to be sent away, promising the Mother Abbess that the Abbey was her life. She proved herself so wrong. assigned to do her job.. It wasn't a job any more "I'd like to explain why I left my position as governess last week." She looked across to the elder woman opposite her, who sat, her eyebrows raised with a look of surprise and relief. Maria waited nervously for her to speak.

"Maria? Why was it that you left? Were they unkind to you?"

"Oh no! I.. I was.. Confused. I felt.. I've never felt that way before. I knew that here I'd be away from it, I'd be.. Safe."

"What was it that confused you?", The Mother Superior pushed her, and Maria could feel it. She had to tell her now. She was in too deep.

"The way I felt about.. Him..", Maria sighed with sadness and stared in front at nothing in particular, knowing that if the Reverend Mother hadn't caught on by now, she'd push her until she explained everything. She underestimated her wisdom, the Reverend Mother knew exactly what and who she was referring to.

"Him? Captain Von Trapp?", Maria slowly nodded, unable to speak. What she heard next didn't surprise her, but led her to let her ever-growing frustration out: "Are you in love with him?"

"Oh I don't know, I don't know! The baroness said I was, she said that.. He was in love with me but I didn't want to believe it! Oh there were times when we would look at each other. Oh Mother I could hardly breathe!"

"Did you let him see how you felt?"

"If I did I didn't know it! That's what's been torturing me, I was there on God's errand, and to have asked for his love would've been wrong. Oh I couldn't stay I just couldn't!", she let herself calm down before she continued. "And yet, I know I can't stay here any longer, I always imagined my life would be here, but after..", she trailed off, unsure of how to continue. But once again, she was pressed by the Reverend Mother.

"After..?"

"The box you gave to me, they weren't possessions of my uncle's, my mother left me her belongings and there was a letter.." She looked to the Reverend Mother to see her smiling. ".. She told me I had to search for what we desire. I'm not sure as to what my desire is.. Please help me.", her voice was trembling, her body shaking. She feared what the Reverend Mother would suggest.

"Maria, the love of a man and a woman is holy too. You have a great capacity to love, but you must find out how God wants you to spend your love. Your mother is right in her words and I feel it is right to tell you to do the same. You have to live the life you were born to live. Yes, you must find out. You must go back." This startled Maria, not because of what was suggested to her, but she was already scared of what she was going to do, what she was going to say. She knew that it was true though. Maria had always been a curious girl, of everything. But this, she wasn't sure she could handle it.

"I don't if I can. I'm safe here."

"Maria, these walls were not built to shut out problems, you have to face them. You have to look for your life."_Look for your life_, the very words Maria's mother had written and she realised at that moment that again, true to her words, she was looking down on her, guiding her, helping her.

"Yes, mother", she replied. With that, she hugged the Reverend Mother tightly, thanked her for her guidance and encouragement. Then returned to her room to pack.

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><p>Excitement, nervousness, fear. Just a few emotions Maria was feeling as she searched for her carpet bag, ready to pack her things. She was wearing a green dress donated by a new postulant who was with the Reverend Mother before she was called in. Maria pulled her bag out from under her bed, placed it on a nearby chair in the corner and went to her bedside drawer where she left her mother's belongings before and placed them carefully inside her bag first. Next, she went to her wardrobe. As she opened it, memories flooded back to her. She picked out the brown and cream dress she wore when she took the children out for a picnic, the dress she wore when she had that pivotal, life changing argument with the Captain. Sighing, she folded it neatly and placed it in her bag. Next, she took the dress she wore when she danced with the Captain at the party, it felt perfect to be in his arms, she wanted that moment to last forever. She shook her head violently and pushed the dress in her bag trying to discard that memory for now. Finally, she took out the beautiful blue dress she wore when she performed the puppet show with the children in front of the Captain, Max and the baroness. It was her personal favourite. She stroked along the delicate fabric before packing it. Upon re-entering the Abbey, she donated a couple of the dressed she made at the villa, but these three, especially the one she held now couldn't be given away. They held memories, so she saved them as a keepsake. Once again she sighed heavily, "I can't believe in about to do this",she thought, and with that, she packed the dress and closed her bag and put it over her shoulder. She looked around her room one last time, as though savouring her last moments there and walked out the door to meet the sister's waiting to say goodbye.<p>

Before leaving, Maria said goodbye to each of the sister's, thanking them sister Berthe, who once referred to her as a "clown" could now see a mature, young woman bore her, she whispered in her ear: "I wish you every happiness, Maria. Take care!" The two women smiled and bid each other goodbye. She walked to the gates where the Reverend Mother and sister Margaretta were waiting. She hugged them both and said her goodbyes as they opened the gate for her. After she she walked outside, she turned back to see all the sisters smiling at her. She smiled back, nodded and turned away to set off to her destination: the Von Trapp villa.

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><p>Along the way, Maria could feel her nerves rising. What would she say, especially to the children? What if they hated her now for leaving without saying goodbye. She knew her note was not by any means adequate, but she didn't have it in her heart to say goodbye to their face, she could've never left if she had done that. Trying to push her nerves away, she hummed 'I have confidence' to herself, but it was futile. Nothing could help her worries and doubts now. Maria was tempted to run back to the Abbey, she could say she made a mistake and take her vows. No, she needed to remain strong and determined. It was too late now anyway, she looked ahead and found she was on the path to the back gardens of the house. Distant voices were heard, but she was unable to make out who's voices they were, so she carried on walking until she reached the gate. Luckily it was unlocked, so she pushed it open and walked into the garden. The voices were getting louder and she walked closer until she realised it was the children's voices. She stepped a little closer so they were in her view. They were singing 'My Favourite Things', but there was no happiness in their voices. Maria hummed along and soon found herself singing along.<p>

_Girls in white dresses _ _With blue satin sashes _ _  
>Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes <em> _  
>Silver white winters that melt into springs..<em>

She heard one of the children exclaim "Fraulein Maria's back!", Maria carried on singing, watching the children run to her as they joined in singing with her. She caught Louisa first, hugging her tightly. Then held the youngest girls hands as they sang their way back to the patio in front of the steps. 

..These are a few of my favourite things

_  
>When the dog bites<em> _  
>When the bee stings<em> _  
>When I'm feeling sad<em> _  
>I simply remember my favourite things<em> _And then I don't feel so bad_

"Oh children I'm so glad to see you"

"We missed you", said Marta

"I missed you", replied Maria, ruffling Marta's hair. She turned to see Gretl showing her her injured finger wrapped in a bandage. "Gretl, what happened to your finger?"

"It got caught!"

"Caught in what?"

"Fredrich's teeth!", they all laughed together, Maria missed it and was so glad to be back. It felt so right, she wished more than anything in the world that she could stay.  
>"Liesl, are you alright?" She turned to Liesl, remembering the many conversations she had with her regarding Rolfe.<p>

"Just fair" came the reply. So Maria pressed on, trying to remain tactical in front of the other children.

"Any telegrams been delivered here lately?"

"None at all, Fraulein! But I'm learning to accept it. I'll be glad when school begins"

"Oh, Liesl, you can't use school to escape your problems, you have to face them!", she replied remembering the Reverend Mothers true words. "Oh I have so much to tell you all!"

"We have things to tell you too", Louisa replied.

"I'm sure you do", said Maria smiling.

"The most important thing is that father's going to be married", Maria turned to Brigitta who was speaking.

"Married?" Maria's face fell at the news. She'd came all the way back to learn he'd gotten engaged. She wanted to cry, she could feel her eyes welling up, but she fiercely drew them back and successfully remained composed.

"Yes", replied Louisa "to Baroness Schraeder."

"Oh, I see.." She trailed off. But before she could continue thinking about it, she heard the children shouting. She looked ahead and saw the Captain standing and the top of the steps looking straight at her, not tearing his eyes away even for a second. She could feel her heart racing and her breathing became shallow. Still, she greeted him in a small voice. "Good evening, Captain".

"Good _evening_.", he still kept his gaze on her and suddenly clapped his hands. "Alright, everyone inside, go and get your dinner". The children rushed past her and their father to dinner, leaving the two adults alone. Maria waited for the Captain to speak, she expected him to shout at her, but what she heard was quite different. "You left without saying goodbye.. Even to the children!", he spoke in a soft voice with a hint of hurt.

"Well, it was wrong of me. Forgive me?"

"Why did you?", he walked down the steps closer to her but Maria stayed on the spot.

"Please don't ask me, anyway the reason no longer exists", she noticed his gaze still on her until they both heard the Baroness. They both turned to her.

"Fraulein Maria! You've returned!", the Baroness walked down the steps to join the Captain and wrapped an arm around him. "Isn't it wonderful, Georg?" Maria looked at them both, the tears threatening to return, but Maria tried to remain composed and swallowed hard before speaking.

"May I wish you every happiness, Baroness, you too, Captain. The children tell me you're to be married." She walked up to them, not failing to notice the Baroness's face turn serious.

"Thank you, my dear.", replied the older woman. Maria flashed them both a fake smile and ran past them up the stairs, only to be stopped by the Captain's voice.

"You are back to uh, stay?", Maria wanted so much to say yes, but instead, she shook her head.

"Only 'til arrangements can be made for another governess." and with that, she walked into the villa, trying to figure out what to do next.

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><p><em>Okay, I understand this may be a boring chapter but I promise the next one will be better. Thanks again to all that have read and reviewed and I hope you leave me some feedback!<em>

_Charlotte :)  
>x<br>_


	3. Search: Chapter Three

_I'd like to quickly thank you all for the reviews I've received so far and also for being patient with me for the huge delay between chapters (although this time the wait really wasn't any fault of my own lol). I promise I will try to update a lot quicker from now on! I don't want to ramble on as much as I usually do, so on with the chapter! I hope you enjoy!_

_Disclaimer:_ _I absolutely do not own 'The Sound of Music' or any of the characters (I wish I did!) I'm just playing around with them a bit!:)_

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><p>"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step" – Lao Tzu<p>

**Search**

Chapter Three

"You are back to uh, stay?", asked the Captain. Maria wanted so much to say yes, but instead, she shook her head.

"Only 'til arrangements can be made for another governess." and with that, she carried on into the villa, trying to figure out what to do next.

Maria walked into the house and up to her room in the villa to unpack her things. She noticed it hadn't changed since she left it. Slowly, she walked up to the bed, remembering her first night as a governess: getting acquainted with Liesl, comforting the children after they were frightened from the storm, teaching them 'My Favourite Things'. She sighed, walked towards the open window and started to speak into thin air, failing to notice the young woman stood in her door way. "Yes, it _would_ have been perfect; I _would _have found my life, my home. If only he... I'm... I'm so sorry children! I wish I could make it up to you, I wish I could tell you why I left. I..."

"There's still time, Fraulein! We're all so happy you're back!", Maria spun round to see Liesl stood in the doorway of her room with a huge smile on her face, her face turning serious as she realised she'd interrupted her governesses privacy. "Oh. I'm sorry, I just... We all... Father wanted to know if you'd be joining us for dinner or if you'd rather be excused for tonight?"

"Your father?" .Maria mentally shook herself before continuing and giving the younger girl one of her false, overenthusiastic smiles. Having no reason to genuinely feel happy recently, putting up a guard and hiding her emotions was something she'd learnt these past few weeks."Yes, yes! Of course! I just need to change into something more suitable and I'll be down to join you." She looked at Liesl's puzzled face and silently prayed that she wouldn't be asked questions and was relieved to see her expression quickly change into a smile, beaming at her.

"Of course, Fraulein, I'll let everybody know that you'll be down in five minutes?" Liesl then ran downstairs after a confirmation from Maria, leaving her alone to push her feelings to the back of her mind for now. Feeling the need to change after her long journey, Maria picked the first dress she saw that lay on the top on the pile of clothes in her bag. Coincidentally that dress being the one she wore at the party.

_Everything will be fine._

_I can handle this! _

Looking into the mirror one more time, Maria prepared herself for the tension that would inevitably be present and started towards the staircase.

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><p>Her first dinner back was awkward to say the least. It was only the younger children that were unable to notice the powerful tension that hung in the air around them. Whilst the oldest children shot frequent glances at each other, Maria kept her head down, not speaking unless she was spoken to first. The Captain did the same, ignoring the icy glare the Baroness held towards him. The seating arrangement only made things more difficult: Maria was still sat at one end of the table as before, with the Captain directly opposite her, the Baroness on his left and Max at his right. As a result of this, they unintentionally met each other's eyes on a few occasions and found it difficult to tear their gaze away, something that hadn't gone unnoticed by the Baroness or Max. So, in an attempt to clear the heavy atmosphere, Max started to talk about the puppet show, which ignited an excited response from the children, making the evening meal run that little bit smoother much to the adults relief.<p>

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><p>After dinner, Maria spent all of her time with the children playing games, telling stories, singing with them, everything they used to do before her departure. She missed them, she <em>really<em> missed them and she knew she couldn't forgive herself for hurting them but for now, she'd cherish the moments they had together until it was time for her to leave for good. After playing an exhausting round of tag, Maria could tell by the darkening sky that it was getting late so decided to put the younger children to bed.

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><p>Once getting the youngest ones settled in, she closed the curtains and turned to see them both sitting upright on their beds staring at her with sad expressions on their faces. "Now, now." Maria started, "what's the matter?" she knew full well what they were upset about, but she naively hoped the youngest girls would've settled now that she'd returned. She walked towards them and sat down on Gretl's bed inviting the girls in for a hug.<p>

"Please don't go. Don't leave us again" said a tearful Gretl, clinging onto Maria's dress. Her heart broke. She knew it was wrong to have left, but she also couldn't risk jeopardizing the family's happiness if she were to stay whilst falling deeper in love with the Captain and ultimately watch him marry another woman. No, she came back for a specific purpose and she knew she did not want to ask herself 'what if?' for the rest of her life. Looking down she realized the youngest girls were asleep so she lay them in their beds, tucked them in, turned their night light off and closed the door behind her.

Like always, Maria peeked into each of the children's rooms to check they were sound asleep, usually going to the eldest girl's bedroom last to find Liesl sitting on the bed waiting for her governess to arrive and have a talk, a routine they had adopted ever since Maria's first night at the villa. This night was no different, except when she opened the door, the teenager was sat upright with her knees curled up towards her chest. Her eyes were red and puffy, undoubtedly from tears that still lingered in her eyes.

Willing to respect her privacy, Maria knocked gently on her door, rather than rushing in to comfort her as she usually would. "Liesl? Whatever's wrong?"

The younger girl raised her head to look at Maria, sighing deeply from exasperation before speaking in a quiet voice: "Oh, Fraulein! I don't know where to begin, let alone know how I would go about dealing with the amount of things on my mind."

"Well..." Maria started "let's start at the very beginning!", She said with a smile, trying to at least lighten Liesl's mood.

"'A very good place to start'", continued Liesl, laughing slightly through her tears. "You see, when my mother died, I had to grow up so quickly, I was now my role model for my siblings seeing as my father was away a lot of the time. We hardly know the Baroness and to hear him say 'you're going to have a new mother'... I just can't bring myself to call someone my mother when I don't love or even barely know them!"

Maria really felt for Liesl. She was a sixteen year old girl, not yet a woman, and has been through the thick of it to say the least, and for once, just wanted to be treated like a teenage girl. So, Maria sat next to Liesl and cuddled her to sleep.

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><p>As the rays of sun hit Maria's face she began to stir. Maria sat up to observe her surroundings. She was in her own room, she must have left Liesl's room in the middle of the night, but she had no recollection of it... Maria furrowed her brow in confusion and turned to look at the silver alarm clock next to her bed. The time read 05:45 am, a bit too early for Maria's liking. However, she slipped a dress on, had a wash, cleaned her teeth and went out to watch the sun come up to welcome a brand new day.<p>

The scene before her was breathtaking, the lake glittered in the early morning sun, the grass had never looked greener and the trees slowly swayed in the gentle breeze. It gave Maria a calm, content feeling she hadn't felt in weeks. She walked over to the gates that hung before the lake and leaned against them, assessing her situation since she returned.

"There's nothing more beautiful than nature don't you think?"

Maria spun round quickly to see who was talking to her. In front of her stood an older woman by a few years, she was around the same height and had blonde hair. Maria recognized her vaguely, but couldn't put her finger quite on who she was.

"You always loved nature, Maria. The mountain you call yours - it was the one me and your grandmother took you for picnics when you were just a toddler! You used to sit on my knee and we'd watch the birds fly over us, not a care in the world!"

Maria's eyed widened in surprise as realisation hit her like a ton of bricks! "Mother?" she asked hesitantly.

"Yes, Schätzchen*, it's me!"

"Wha- What are you ..."

"Maria, I don't want you to hold back your love for this man. You came back for a reason."

"Don't you understand? He's engaged to a stunning woman who's perfect for him, who can make things better for him!"

"You know in that letter when I told you about my mistake of not letting myself love someone –"

Maria cut her off, begging to get annoyed and frustrated at her words. "I can't live my life correcting your mistakes! My life is dedicated to God and giving my life to His service!"

"You've been given something special, Maria. If you tell him and he turns you away, you don't have to worry, that tells you it wasn't meant to be. But, I know if you leave without confessing your feelings for him, you'll always be asking yourself 'what if'. Take my hand, Maria. Let me guide you."

Maria shook her head, fighting off her tears. "No, Mother. I can't! I'm just Maria Rainer, a postulant ready to take her vows at the end of September and become a nun."

The older woman also had tears in her eyes and shook her head before fading into thin air leaving Maria standing alone to let her tears fall.

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><p><em>AN: Don't hate me! I thought I'd leave with a little cliff hanger! Please let me know what you think? I appreciate everyone who's stuck with me even though my delay in updating has been rubbish! Quicker update on the way though!_

_*Schätzchen - Meaning baby, darling, honey etc. Or at least I hope so! I barely passed my GCSE German lol. Please correct me if I'm wrong!_

_Take care!_

_Charlotte :)_

_x_


	4. Search: Chapter Four

_I won't waste time rambling like I always do for once! I did promise a quicker update! So here it is! Enjoy!_

_Disclaimer:__ I absolutely do not own 'The Sound of Music' or any of the characters (I wish I did!)I'm just playing around with them a bit!:)_

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><p>"<em>If we deny love that is given to us, if we refuse to give love because we fear pain or loss, then our lives will be empty, our loss greater"<em>

**Search**

Chapter Four

"You've been given something special, Maria. If you tell him and he turns you away, you don't have to worry, that tells you it wasn't meant to be. But, I know if you leave without confessing your feelings for him, you'll always be asking yourself 'what if'. Take my hand, Maria. Let me guide you."

Maria shook her head, fighting off her tears. "No, Mother. I can't! I'm just Maria Rainer, a postulant ready to take her vows at the end of September and become a nun."

The older woman also had tears in her eyes and shook her head before fading into thin air leaving Maria standing alone to let her tears fall.

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><p>Maria bolted upright on the bed and quickly looked around to take in her surroundings. She was still in Liesl's room fully clothed as was the younger girl next to her. Noticing it was still dark, she looked down at the clock on the bedside table.<p>

"Only ten O'clock at night?" she said to herself in confusion. She had only been asleep for an hour, yet that dream felt so real! She wished it had have been real, because truer words had never been spoken. Maria went over the dream in her head quickly, trying to make sense of it all. It was too late; _she_ was too late wasn't she? He was engaged now. She couldn't think, she barely even remembered what made her think that by her returning; she could ask the Captain for his love and live the life she wanted so desperately. She wanted to cry, scream and shout, demand the answers from God as to why he was doing this to her.

_Maybe I need to sleep on it?_

_Tomorrow I can properly figure out what to do._

After coming to that conclusion, Maria tucked Liesl in and headed to her own room to pray for guidance and get some well earned rest.

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><p>Georg von Trapp sat alone in his study, looking down at his glass of whisky he'd barely touched and swirled it around before him. He couldn't get Maria out of his head. He hadn't been able to get her out of his thoughts ever since she arrived. He knew why, he'd felt this way before for another woman before, but it wasn't the woman he was currently engaged to, it was Agathe. For Georg, Elsa was a mask to cover up his despair for losing his late wife, an emotionless physical relationship with a woman who was 'perfect' for him just because people around him told him so. Of course, he didn't dislike her either, he wasn't lying when he complimented her with being "witty, charming, graceful and the perfect hostess", he hadn't lied about her being his saviour either, because she had dimmed his sadness over his heartache and made him smile again, but that wasn't enough. He thought of the children when he announced their engagement, the pain he felt when he saw his children trying to pretend to be happy and force fake smiles was truly heartbreaking. He'd convinced himself that they'd be a happy family again once he married Elsa, but the truth was there was only one reason - one <em>person <em>the family had felt whole again in the past couple of months.

A knock at the door broke him from his reverie.

"Yes?" asked Georg dryly, pulling a grimace for having his privacy interrupted.

"Georg? It's me, Max."

"Ah, yes come in!"

Max walked through the door boldly as always and motioned for permission to join Georg on the couch. After a confirmation from Georg, Max sat and began to speak.

"It's no use is it, you and Elsa?"

Georg lifted his gaze from his glass to his companion, almost in disbelief that Max had unexpectedly spoken those words so out of the blue! He took a deep breath before deciding to press him further. "What are you insinuating, Max?" Georg tried to let on that his temper had begun to rise, but it was mainly through pride and he wasn't one to appear so transparent. But, if Max could see it, maybe Elsa and Maria could too?

"Georg, I've been your friend for a very long time. You know as well as I do that she isn't right for you."

Max had once said to Elsa that he'd like to see the two of them get married for the money, but seeing Georg as he was now, completely infatuated – no – in love with Maria, Max knew that Georg hadn't made the right decision by getting engaged to the baroness after all.

"Elsa has been a constant, Max. Mar- _Fraulein_ Maria is to be a nun. I can't let the children down or Elsa! She will be a brilliant mother to the children; we're all going to be very happy." Georg was a proud man and his defences were up, but Max could see right through them.

"Georg, my old friend, I can only trust that you'll make the right decision." Max got up from the couch to leave, but Georg stopped him before he reached the door.

"Max, I have made the right decision. Elsa's good for this family, she belongs here!"

Max sighed at his companion's blatant denial before replying: "who are you trying to convince, Georg? Me or you? I'm retiring to bed, I bid you goodnight." and with that, he opened the study door and walked out, leaving the Captain alone with his thoughts.

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><p>Sleep didn't want to approach Maria, it was either too hot or she couldn't get comfortable. Her mind was whirling too; she couldn't get her thoughts to rest.<p>

It was getting unbearable.

Maria climbed out of bed, annoyed that her silly thoughts were keeping her from sleep. Looking over at the clock, she saw it was only eleven O'clock; not an inappropriate time to still be awake. She decided to take a walk out around the gardens, the beautiful landscape calmed her, and she hoped there'd be a nice breeze to help her cool down. Searching through her still packed bag, she grabbed a dress to replace her nightgown and headed outside.

The lit fire, the delicately painted cream walls, soft red carpet and comfortable cream leather sofa always made the study a calming, tranquil place for Georg. However, it offered no peace, just somewhere to run through his thoughts continuously. He sat, still looking at his now empty glass thinking about Maria. Why did she return if she missed her life at the Abbey as much as she said she had? When he saw at dinner, she didn't look like the Maria who'd entered the household at the beginning of summer. The twinkle in her eyed has disappeared and she seemed to be miserable.

He wanted answers; he wanted to know what direction his life was taking.

Max's words rung in his head, he _was_ fooling himself, and he knew it deep down.

He was going to call off his engagement to Elsa.

Settling his glass down on the large desk in front of him, Georg headed out onto the terrace, a place that made him feel content and able to clear his head. Whilst on his way he started to plan out how he was going to end his relationship with Elsa, and try to initiate a conversation with Fraulein Maria and get to the roots of her departure and recent return.

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><p>The night was perfect. The moon shone brightly, reflecting off the flawless, still lake surrounded by the trees that enclosed the gardens. The outdoor lights illuminated the patio steps and guided Maria to the gates that hung before the lake. She looked out onto it, wondering how she got to this place, trying to comprehend how she could fall for a man who was a world apart from her, but so alike at the same time. She was convinced she was to live a life of service to God, yet she'd found herself back at the villa, trying to figure out a way to profess her love to this man. How could she ask for his love when he'd already given it to someone else? Whilst she could see that he and the Baroness were fond of each other, sometimes when they looked at each other, they just couldn't seem to look away unless someone or something distracted them. Maria repeatedly told herself he only thought of her as the children's governess or at the most: a respected member of staff, but she couldn't deny there was a look in his eyes that told her he felt the butterflies, the shortness of breath and the inability to look away too.<p>

As she walked away from the lake towards the gazebo, Maria remembered one night before the party when she and the Captain had saw each other whilst taking a walk through the gardens after the children had gone to bed. They ended up sat on the stone bench outside the gazebo talking for just over an hour about the children. The Captain had thanked her once again for bringing happiness, laughter, music and most importantly: the children back into his life, asking what he could do for her in return. She had simply responded by saying she needed nothing in return, and repeating that the children wanted to be close to him again, she looked down at her hands as she realised she was blushing from the intense gaze he held towards her. She knew if she looked up she'd lock eyes with him again, something they'd done a few times before, it was something that had gotten more and more frequent and intense each time it happened. After a couple of moments of comfortable silence, the Captain turned to look at her again before initiating the conversation once more.

"May I ask you a question, Fraulein?"

Maria lifted her head, but looked out in front of her, careful not to make eye contact. "Yes, Captain?"

He took a minute to pause for thought before continuing. "Would you consider staying here longer than September? You've helped this family more than you'll ever know, and I know it'd mean the world to us... To the _children_ if you could stay."

A small smile tugged at the corner of Maria's mouth at the Captain's slip of the tongue – something that hadn't gone unnoticed by him. "Captain, I'm to take my vows at the end of September. Therefore, as much as I'd love to..." she turned back towards him now, looking straight at him and of course, meeting his eyes "... I have to return to the Abbey. Of course, the children are welcome to visit me at any time, they know that."

"Yes, yes of course..." the Captain trailed off. Still holding his gaze with Maria's, they weren't sure how long it lasted, but a huge, sudden gust of wind broke the spell that seemed to captivate them, making the Captain turn away and look towards the house. He looked down at his silver wrist watch before turning back to his governess. "Thank you for the company, Fraulein. It was very much appreciated."

"Ah, it's my pleasure, Captain!" Maria laughed. She suddenly felt slightly paranoid at whether it would be deemed 'inappropriate' for a man like the Captain to meet with his children's governess socially. She shook it off quickly and mentally scolded herself. Everyone in the household was aware that they'd struck a friendship, nothing more. Before she could let her mind wander any further, she heard the Captain speak again.

"I thank you once again, Fraulein. I trust I'll see you tomorrow morning at breakfast. Goodnight." And with a small smile, he walked back into the house, leaving Maria alone on the bench with her thoughts... Also those all-too-familiar butterflies in her stomach.

Now, she was in the same spot almost a fortnight later, no longer wanting to become a nun. Oh she didn't even know what to do, so just sat, slightly hunched over looking down at her hands, trying to find a way to talk to the Captain, unaware that he'd be watching her from the terrace, wanting to do the exact same thing.

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><p>Georg looked out at where Maria had just been standing. He had only just ended his relationship with Elsa, something that was easier than expected. The Baroness handled herself with dignity and grace; a trait Elsa Schreader never lacked, and had even agreed with him, pointing out that her fondness for him wasn't enough for what she wanted or needed, ending by giving him a simple thank you for the time they'd spent together and a gentle kiss on the cheek good bye.<p>

Now, he wondered how he was going to initiate a conversation with Maria, how was he going to ask her the questions he wanted answers for ever since she left. He gathered himself, tried to forget about the knot forming in his stomach and regained composure before descending from the terrace to the gardens to find Maria.

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><p>She was exactly where he was expecting her to be. Georg saw her sitting with her hands in her lap, looking like she was deep in thought, obviously unaware of the fact he was standing by her. He decided to catch her attention in any way possible.<p>

"Hello." He didn't exactly have anything to say at first, he never felt so nervous when it came to starting a conversation with someone, not even when he'd first met Agathe, they were introduced by mutual friends so they didn't have a problem when it came to a free flowing conversation. Maria, however, was proving to be difficult as she only snapped her head up to look at him, not saying a word, he continued: "I thought I might just find you here!" Referring back to the night they'd bumped into each other. It seemed to work, she stood up to acknowledge him.

"Was... Was there something you wanted?" She asked, desperately trying to hide her nervousness and scolding herself for letting her nerves get the better of her. Why could she not be the outspoken girl she once was? It'd never been too difficult in the past.

"No, no, no! Sit down please." He saw her hesitate so repeated: "_please_!"

Maria slowly sat back down cautiously. The Captain joined her after motioning politely to sit next to her. They faced opposite directions, neither saying a word, trying to figure out what to say.

It was Georg that broke the silence once again by chuckling to himself. "You know I was thinking... I was wondering, um, two things: why did you return to the Abbey and what was it that made you come back? Maria thought carefully about her answer for a moment before replying. "Well I had an obligation to fulfill and I... Came back to fulfill it." She was happy with her answer, it was simple and honest. The Captain however, wasn't as satisfied with her answer.

"Is that all?" He pressed her further.

"Then I missed the children" She started to get frustrated, she could tell he was trying to catch her off guard, and he was doing it well.

"O-Only the children?" he asked with a small smile tugging at his lips, waiting for her answer.

"No. Yes!" She slipped up, and she knew he noticed it. "Isn't it right I should have missed them?"

The Captain laughed as he noticed her frustration after her slip of the tongue. She had missed him. "Well, yes. Yes of course! I was only hoping that perhaps you... Perhaps might..." he trailed off, but this time it was Maria who pressed him further to continue.

"Yes...?" She looked towards him inquisitively. Did he miss her too?

"Well" he started, trying to find the right words. "Nothing was the same when you were away... It'll be all wrong again after you leave... I just thought you might perhaps... Change your mind?" he ended looking almost sheepishly at her.

"Oh." Maria turned away from him, stood up and made her way to the entrance of the gazebo, her back turned to him. "I'm sure the baroness will be able to make things fine for you."

"Maria..." he got up to follow her. "There isn't going to be a baroness."

She raised her head at the unfamiliarity of hearing him address has as only 'Maria', she felt him walk towards her. "There isn't?" she asked as he walked slightly in front of her.

"No."

"I don't understand"

"Well we cut off our engagement you see and-"

"Oh, I'm sorry" Maria wasn't even thinking properly about what she was saying, like she said it for only because it was polite.

"Yes... You are!?" They both stopped walking inside the doorway of the gazebo.

"Mhm... You did?" she asked in surprise and they both looked each other, each trying to process what had just been said.

"Yes." He folded his hand behind his back and began to walk around until he was fully facing Maria before continuing. "Well, you can't marry someone when you're... ...In love with someone else. Can you?" They both held intense gazes at each other, look deep into their eyes.

Maria felt as though she was going to faint. Was this his way of telling her he was in love with her? She didn't have much time to think about it though. Before she knew it, he'd lifted her chin with his hand, and ever so slowly, leant in to touch her lips with his. Her knees were weak but once their lips locked, she somehow found strength and gently responded to his kiss.

As the kiss broke, Georg cupped Maria's face in her hands to look at her and smiled at her tenderly. Maria's eyed were half closed still and she felt completely content. "You know, the Reverend Mother always says: "when the Lord closes a door, somewhere he opens a window."

His smile soon turned into a grin at hearing those words. "What else does the Reverend Mother say?"

"That you have to look for your life."

His expression turned serious as he finally knew he could ask: "is that why you came back?"

Maria only nodded; she was still amazed at the fact that she was still standing!

"And have you found it, Maria?"

"I think I have." She looked up at Georg and looked directly in his eyes. Yes, she was sure. "I _know _I have!"

"I love you." It was as if he couldn't wait to say it, like if he didn't tell her she'd disappear.

"Oh how can this be happening to _me_?" she whispered as he began to trace her face with his lips.

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><p>Two hours. That's how long ago they declared their love for each other. In the gazebo, Georg had told her that he loved from the moment she "sat on that ridiculous pine cone" and Maria replied with "I knew the first time you blew that silly whistle!" The feeling of his kisses still remained on her lips. She touched her lips with her fingers, surprised at the sensitivity and swelling they had. She still couldn't believe it, only a few hours ago she was trying to find a way to tell the children about how long she was planning to stay, but after Georg told her of his intentions to marry her. She'd be asking them for their permission to marry their father! Earlier in the gazebo, he asked who he should go to, to ask permission to marry her. She looked up through the glass roof as if seeking an approving confirmation from her mother, she knew she had it, so looked back to him and said: "well... Why don't we ask the children?" they said the last part in unison and laughed together before another long kiss.<p>

The Captain walked Maria to her room but only subtly squeezed her hand and gave her a small wink goodnight. He knew people around the house may still be up, and would be suspicious if they kissed or hugged each other before they'd even had chance to announce their relationship.

As she closed the bedroom door behind her, she suddenly leaned backwards on it and burst into tears. She grinned through them, knowing they were tears of joy, and all the other emotions she'd been repressing. She held her head with her hands, trying to comprehend what just happened. She couldn't sleep properly now could she? Her mind was all over the place. What to do? Pray. Yes, she had to, she had to thank the Lord and pray for everyone. So, kneeling by her bedside, she began.

"Dear Father, I know the first night I arrived here I said I knew why you sent me here. Now I am certain! When I said I know you sent me here to prepare the children for a new mother, who'd have known it may be me? They say the Lord works in mysterious ways. Well... That saying could not be more apt! I pray that you continue to guide this family and myself along the right path. God bless Leisl, Fredrich, Louisa, Kurt, Brigitta, Marta and Gretl. God bless the Reverend Mother, the Sisters and everyone at the Abbey and God, bless the Capt-... God bless _Georg_." She smiled at the way his name sounded, although it was foreign for her to call him by his first name, she couldn't help but love the way it sounded off her tongue. "And finally, Lord: bless my mother, who; even in death, has been of so much help, more than she could ever know. In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost. Amen." She then crawled into bed, still grinning to herself and she swore she had never been happier.

Finally, Maria fell asleep, ready to wake up and begin the rest of her life.

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><p><em>AN: Originally this was going to be two separate chapters. But I felt awful for leaving the chapter three as I did. Thanks to everyone who's been reading! Only one more chapter to go! _

_Take care!_

_Charlotte :)_

_x_


	5. Epilogue

_MY GOODNESS!_

_As if it was 2 years ago that I updated this story. I was reading through this story and I though it definitely should have an epilogue so I pulled out this old draft, proof read it and tidied it up to tie up any loose ends for you guys. I do hope my readers are still out there and even hopefully I've attracted some new readers! Enjoy._

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><p><span><em>Disclaimer:<em>_ I absolutely do not own 'The Sound of Music' or any of the characters (I wish I did) I'm just playing around with them a bit!:)_

"_Family is a circle of strength of love with every birth and every union the circle grows" - _Unkown

**Search**

Epilogue

_**Five years later...**_

Maria ran her fingers through the tall grass beside her as she basked in the warm sun, feeling the rays on her face. The Untersberg truly was her sanctuary in a way, her go-to place to escape the world for a while. A world she really didn't want or need to escape from any more, hence, what she once called 'her mountain' was re-named 'our mountain', a place she happily shared with her family.

_Life couldn't be any more perfect, _she thought to herself as she finally opened her eyes to see Brigitta, Kurt, Marta and Gretl play a ball game together in the distance. She smiled to herself at hearing the playful debate over the rules of said game they engaged in pretty much every time they played. Looking over to her right Maria sighed to herself with content with pride and content as she watched her husband fully engaged in a conversation with a now nineteen-year-old Friedrich. So much had changed in five years in terms of the children. He really was the double of Georg in terms of posture, mannerisms and even his charm. Long gone were the days of Friedrich's shy and reserved personality, he had really blossomed into a fine young man.

Speaking of blossoming, Maria turned to her left this time towards twenty one-year-old radiant Liesl, beaming with happiness and pride as she reached out a hand to gently place upon the younger woman's barely-there bump. Liesl covered Maria's hand with her own, looking up at her face sharing a look only the two of them would understand.

It just so happened that Rolfe never did deliver another telegram to the von Trapp villa again, breaking Liesl's heart. However, with Maria's guidance, Liesl did indeed cry a little and waited for the sun to come out. The sun being Liesl's now husband of a year, Nickolaus. He ran a small business in town. Nickolaus was an absoutely charming young man as well as being handsome and a true gentleman (even if it did take Georg the best part of two years to realise it himself).

It was then that she heard the familiar, undeniable sound of the youngest von Trapp child falling over and landing with an almighty loud "oomph". Maria stood up to make sure her child was okay, only to realise a second later that the three-year-old actually burst out laughing at his own clumsiness before proceeding to run towards his mother again. Maria caught him upon his arrival making him laugh yet again before returning to her spot on the large blanket and sitting him on her lap. She looked down at her son whilst gently stroking his dark, thick hair on his head. The resemblance between her youngest and Georg was quite remarkable. He had dark hair, deep blue eyes and strangely yet most striking feature was his jawline being identical to that of his fathers. Yes, he was definitely his fathers son. That being said, his clumsiness, outspokenness and the inability to keep quiet was definitely what he had inherited from Maria. They named him Johannes, meaning 'God's greatest gift' and that's exactly what he was, living breathing proof of the unbreakable bond and overwhelming love she and Georg shared with each other.

Maria once again closed her eyes and smiled at feeling the presence of her husband moving to sit beside her, only opening her eyes after hearing Georg whisper in her ear, recognising his playful tone instantly.

"Did I or did I not instruct you to drill the children in their studies on a day like this instead of permitting them to dream away the summer, Fraulein? Or do you have difficulty following such simple instructions?" He said with a mock stern look on his face and wrapping his arm around her shoulders.

Maria couldn't help but smile back at him, placing her free hand on his cheek before answering with a simple "you did, Sir" before continuing "however, this _Fraulein_ would much rather spend her time with her family and a rather dashing sea captain.. Now do _you_ have any difficulty with that request, Sir?" leaning in for a kiss before being interrupted with a loud shout from Johannes.

"Look at the bird, Mutti!" causing the pair of them to look up to where their son was pointing.

A single bird was slowly flying above them, stopping just before Maria when she remembered her mother telling her about the two of them sitting on the mountain along with her Grandmother sitting Maria on her lap to watch the birds fly over the mountain. Whether that conversation was fantasy or reality, Maria didn't know, neither did she mind as it offered her genuine comfort either way, believing it was her mother watching over her. She looked down at her son before looking back up to the bird and thanking her mother silently and then.. Just as if the bird heard her, only after Maria looked back up did it continue to fly on high in the sky over her head, as if blessing her family before flying off towards the warm sun that shone over them. That warmth being the warmth of the never ending love only a mother could give.

Fin

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><p>AN: _Sorry if that was a lame ending after all this time but I do hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing (and finally finishing) this story. I do have a couple of fics I'm working on as college is finally over and I truly miss writing for you guys. Thank you to everyone who read, favourited, reviewed, followed etc this story. It honestly means the world to a writer!  
><em>

_Charlotte :)_

_x_


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